I’m sure everyone has one, that memory that just never seems to fade. The memory that affects every decision you make, prevents you from taking risks, and ultimately keeps you from experiencing the same feeling that memory brings on.
Basically, it’s a memory that keeps you afraid to try again at what previously failed. In my case, as it is for many, it has to do with trust in a relationship.
Trust is a tricky thing, although everyone is different everyone has similarities to someone and the moment I find that similarity to someone I didn’t trust I start to wonder. Is it fair? No, but I’m just protecting myself from another heartbreak. For me this specific memory comes on when I drink with someone new, otherwise I can avoid thinking about it and put the thought of its repercussions in the back of my mind.
When I drink this memory comes around.
It seems as real as sight and sound.
The torture of it makes me lose ground.
In its grasp I’m unwillingly bound.
Whiskey can’t make it go away.
It just takes the edge off every day.
From this memory I wish to stray.
Continually though it continues to stay.
Being sober sometimes helps a little.
To make it stop, it seems a riddle.
I stay distracted, but it’s drawn back to the middle.
Pray for hope that this memory will slowly whittle.
I drink to forget, but only remember.
The pain of another lonely September.