Everyone has pieces of their past they wish they could forget.  Things they wish they could leave behind.  It’s not that it’s a regret, or that it defines who they are, but that mistake that you live with for the rest of your life, no matter what.

From time to time those mistakes find their way back into your mind.  Reminding you of a past that’s better left behind.

For me those days are dreaded, the reminders of years filled with vulnerability and fear.  Years that taught me a valuable lesson about trust, and an even more valuable lesson about being a stronger person. 

Those days that still weigh heavy on me were days of abuse, that no one would believe looking at a man like me that I ever endured.

They were days where I was made to feel guilty about going to work, making new friends, and doing things that I enjoyed.  They were days that I was belittled by the person that swore they loved me more than any other ever would.  They were days that I can never have back, but I know that I will never repeat.  They were days that are in my past for a reason, and that reason is to see me be me again.

There’s still those days that haunt me,

The reminders from a past that’s ugly.

Those days that hurt because of my mistake,

Where the memories cause these hands to shake.

There are still those days I feel all alone,

The reminders of the hell I went through on my own.

Those days that cause pain that haunts me still,

Where the memories are enough to make me feel ill.

There are still those days I don’t feel right,

The reminders of a history that’s mostly shite.

Those days that were were always bleak,

Where finding a way out was all I could seek.

There are still those days that pull me back.

Reminding me of a time when hope was my lack.