At first, with all the uncertainty and legal issues that surrounded the sudden ending of that detrimental relationship, things were difficult.  I didn’t know what to do with myself in my free time because it was no longer being dictated to me.  I also had no idea what I really enjoyed doing, because I hadn’t done much that I really enjoyed in the previous 5 years.

Even with all the uncertainty, even with all the extra crap that I had to deal with when she finally followed through on a threat, I started to find myself again.  I rediscovered the passion I had for writing.  I discovered the interest I had in unique places and things, and I found peace in nature where I hadn’t found it in years.

Being on the outside looking back, was like looking at a broken mirror.  I was the same person, but I was different somehow.  I was happy again.  Then I discovered that being happy, made me see a lot of things differently.  Suddenly everyone that brought a little joy too my life, I was willing to give more to, but I also reacted poorly to anyone who tried to take advantage of me, even in the slightest way.  All of that, dealing with my reactions and my emotions, I had to learn again.

This time though, I got to learn it all the way I wanted to.  This time, I got to work at being me.

At first, it was this scary new sensation,

Being able to give in to any inclination.

Rediscovering all the things that made life enjoyable.

Finding new things to love, I was now able.

There was so much to experience, so much to try.

So many things I had missed by just passing by.

The air smelled sweeter, the breeze more invigorating.

Everything was more beautiful, so much became inviting.

No matter what I did, it was a new adventure.

It all felt greater, now that I was never unsure.

All that I did, was done now with passion.

Never holding back, the thrill not to ration.

Being outside of it, I had real feeling for the first time in ages.

So much of life to be written in the upcoming pages.

 

It was about three years ago now that everything changed for me.  Three years that I’ve spent almost entirely on me, growing, learning, loving life again.  No longer worried about the result that could come from my every action  No longer a victim, but a survivor.

There is much that lies ahead in life, and in every day I find a little joy.  In every day there is a reason to smile.  In every day there is more reason to live.  In every day there is more reason to hope.

Most of all though, in every person there is the capacity to find a little more happiness in your own life, and no matter how they’ve touched your life, never regret the times that you brought them joy, even if it hurt you to do it.  Ultimately, when the dust settles, no matter how a person has effected you, they helped to lead you to where you are, and if you learn the lessons from your past, there is only hope for your future.

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